A New Birthday for Stephanie
by spiffytgm
Summary: This year, Stephanie gets more than she ever imagined for her birthday. Slightly AU, a little strange, but always a Babe. Happy Halloween, y'all
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, this has probably been done before, but I couldn't get it out of my mind. Since today is Stephanie's birthday, I thought it was the perfect way to combine all the elements I needed to make it work. Anyway, I hope you like it. Let me know what you think.**

**Any characters you recognize belong to JE. All mistakes are mine. The song Nothing Else Matters belongs to Metallica, and the lyrics are in Bold Italics. I know they're her favorite band.**

"But Carlos, it's my birthday." Okay, I know I was whining a little, but I really wanted it. Carlos, Les, and I were sitting at Shorty's, eating pizza for lunch and discussing my upcoming birthday party. Well, Les and I were eating pizza. Carlos was eating his salad as usual. Who goes to a pizza joint and orders a salad?

"Babe, salads are good for you. That stuff'll kill you." Damn, I guess I was thinking out loud again. "And your party is next weekend. It's short notice to tell everyone that it's a costume party."

Lester added his two cents. "It's close to Halloween, so some people will already have costumes."

"And it will be a great way to combine my two favorite holidays." I crossed my fingers under the table. As soon as Les had said costume party, I knew that it was what I wanted. Now all I have to do is convince Carlos.

He exhaled slowly. For him, that was almost the same as a huge sigh. In that instant, I knew he would give me what I wanted. "I'm not dressing up as Batman this year, Babe. Been there, done that, don't want to go back." Damn. I can't believe it's been a year already since he dressed up as Batman for Halloween and brought me home to the Batcave. He looked so hot in that costume that I kinda wanted a repeat performance. Oh, well. I was trying to figure out what we could do instead when he got a look in his eyes. He's planning something, I can tell. "In fact, the only way I'll agree to this is if you let me pick out our costumes." Hmm, this could be interesting.

Les wiggled his eyebrows. "I still have that cheerleader's outfit if you want to borrow it, Primo."

I punched his arm. "Eww. I'm not going near any outfit that some skank left in your apartment. And if she left her clothes there, what the hell did she go home in?"

He laughed at that. "Beautiful, is it any wonder that I love you almost as much as my cousin here does?" He pulled me to him and kissed the top of my head. "Kelly was a Miami Dolphins Cheerleader that had a stalker. The organization hired Rangeman to guard her and shut him down. I spent a week with her until he tried to break into her house. After he was arrested and the case was closed, we spent one magnificent weekend together and she gave me the outfit to remember her by."

That was almost sweet in a Lester sort of way. "Okay, so she wasn't some random skank. I'm still not wearing it."

Carlos took my hand. "Don't worry, Babe. I already have something in mind."

3 R&amp;S 3

By the end of the week, I was dying to find out what my costume was going to be, but Carlos remained frustratingly silent on the matter. On the day of my party, it seemed like all of Rangeman was on pins and needles. I know that I was anxious because it was my birthday party, and I'd finally find out what my costume was going to be, but the guys were all acting like something big was going to happen.

I spent the last ten minutes of the workday bouncing in my seat and watching the second hand slowly sweep around the clock. Ten minutes seemed more like two hours, but I made it through the day. As soon as the clock hit 5:00, I was out of my chair like a rocket and headed for the elevator. When the doors opened, I looked over my shoulder and yelled, "See you guys at the party." The elevator seemed to be going slowly tonight, but maybe it was just my excitement. I probably should have run up the two flights of stairs. The doors finally opened, and I fobbed my way into our apartment.

I went to the bathroom to take a shower, and I found a single red rose and a note by my sink. The note said:

_Babe,_

_Eat dinner before you shower, Ella has your outfit on six._

_I love you,_

_C._

I guess I won't be seeing him yet. I don't want to eat dinner without him, but I guess he's busy. I went into the kitchen and found a plate of pan seared salmon and vegetables, which I just ate standing at the counter. I showered, shaved excoriated, buffed, and moisturizer in record time. I dressed in a pair of old sweats, and walked downstairs to Ella's apartment.

Ella ushered me towards her sewing room. I gave Luis a finger wave as we went through the living room. She opened the door and stepped aside so that I could get a good look at my costume. I don't know if costume is the right word to describe the most beautiful midnight blue gown I have ever seen.

The top of the gown was a corset that laced up the back, with intricate beadwork at the bust and a small fringe of beads at the waist and on the cap sleeves. The skirt was full length with a large bustle at the back with ruffled layers cascading down into a small train. I'm glad he sent me to Ella's to get dressed, because I'd never be able to put this thing on by myself.

After Ella shoe-horned me into the dress, she produced a small stool and ordered me to sit. She fixed my hair in a complicated updo with beautiful wispy curls framing my face. Then she brought out a stunning necklace of intertwined platinum ropes with sapphires and diamonds woven throughout. She gave me matching earrings to put on, then helped me with my makeup. When she was done, she stood me up and turned me towards the full length mirror. I barely recognized the woman looking back at me.

I hugged Ella. "I really wish I you would adopt me," I told her through the tears in my eyes.

She gave me an extra squeeze. "Stephanie, I already consider you the daughter I never had." I hope she used waterproof makeup, because I was seriously about to cry.

She ushered me out the door and into the elevator. She rode with me sown to the ground floor and out to a waiting limo. She helped me inside, which was a good thing, because I would never have been able to figure out how to sit. Inside the limo, there was a glass of champagne and another rose.

In a delightful fit of irony, Lester had rented the VFW hall for my party. I used to think that I was allergic to that hall. It turns out that I was only allergic to the idea of having another overblown wedding reception here. I saw that most of my friends were already here, gleefully taking advantage of the open bar. I still haven't seen Carlos. There were plenty of mummies and pirates, but nothing that would match the sheer beauty of my gown.

I was talking to nurse Connie when I felt the familiar tingling sensation on the back of my neck. I scanned the crowd around us, but still didn't see him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a top hat moving away from me, but it was gone before I could see who was under it.

Les grabbed me around the waist and twirled me. "Damn, Beautiful. You look better than I thought you would." He looked dashing himself dressed up as a pirate. "Dance with me?" He spun me onto the dance floor. As we danced, I spotted Carlos again. He was definitely the one wearing the top hat. He was also wearing a long black tuxedo with a vest and Ascot. Ranger the soldier is hot. Street Ranger is hot. Corporate Ranger is hot. Ranger in a tuxedo set my panties on fire with just a glance.

As I danced with Les, I could feel Carlos watching me. He was as silent as a panther stalking a deer, but I could feel him close to me. When the song ended, Les spun me, and I slid easily into Carlos' arms. The song changed to Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters", and we started to spin around the dance floor. Not only does Carlos know how to dance, but he knows me. The song was perfect for us.

**_Never opened myself this way_**

**_Life is ours, we live it our way_**

**_All these words I don't just say_**

**_And nothing else matters_**

Dancing with Carlos is a seduction of the senses. The feel of his arms around me, the sound of the guitars of my favorite band in my ears, the slightly dizzy sensation as we spun around the floor all worked to make me want him in a way that was almost too powerful to deny. I was so focused on Carlos, that everyone else in the room faded away.

3 R&amp;S 3

The party was a huge success by some standards. I'm sure that it will be the talk of the Burg for months to come. The most exciting part of the party came when Les and Cal brought out my birthday cake. Grandma grabbed Les' package as he walked by, and Les jerked in surprise, sending my cake flying into the wall. One of the lit candles flew into someone's tequila shooter. The resulting flash fire hit the bulletin board, and we had to evacuate while the VFW burned. I couldn't help but think that if we had used the fire hall, the trucks would have been right there.

As a result of the mishap, Carlos and I pulled into the garage of the Batcave at 11:00. We walked upstairs to our bedroom and I was again surprised by champagne and rose petals. I'm so glad that I didn't really drink much at the party because I didn't want to miss anything. Carlos poured us each a glass and we toasted my birthday.

After we made love, we laid together in bed, my head on his chest while our heart rates came back down. He kissed the top of my head and tipped my chin up so that he could look into my eyes. "Babe, I know that I once told you that my life didn't lend itself to relationships, but I never told you why."

"It doesn't matter, Carlos. We're together now, and that's all that's important."

He pressed his finger against my lips. "It does matter. I'm not a normal man, Stephanie. There's a reason why the body is a temple. A reason for my need to always be in control of the situation and aware of my surroundings. I want you to accept all of me, babe. Can you do that?"

I rolled over so that I was on top of him. "I love you, Carlos. I feel like you are the other half of my soul."

He rolled us again so that I was beneath him. He slowly slid back inside me and stopped. "I won't ever hurt you, Babe. If you want me to stop, I will. You are the other half of my soul, and I want to be with you forever. I want our someday." He started moving in and out of me in a deliciously slow pace. I closed my eyes so that I could enjoy the sensations I was feeling. "Look at me, Babe. This is who I am. This is who I want you to be."

I opened my eyes. In the few short seconds that they had been closed, his fangs had slid into place. I reached up and touched them. He shuddered and stilled. I was surprised, but not scared. I know that he would never hurt me. "You're a," I trailed off.

"A vampire," he confirmed.

"When?"

"I was on a mission when it happened."

"And you drink blood?"

He closed his eyes. "Yes. I can still eat, just not as much."

"But the sunlight?"

"Bothers my eyes, but it's not fatal. I just have to wear special sunglasses."

"And a stake?"

He grinned. "A stake through the heart will kill anyone, Babe."

"And you want me?" I was still having a little trouble forming complete sentences.

He gave me his full 200 watt smile. "Forever, Babe."

As soon as he said that, I knew what my answer would be. I pulled him to me and kissed him. He started moving again, building towards what I'm sure will be the orgasm to end all orgasms. As the first wave washed over me, he slid his teeth into my neck at the spot just below my ear that always drives me wild. The waves became a tsunami, and I felt like I was drowning in pleasure. He pulled his teeth out of my neck and roared his release. Afterwards, we lay together relearning how to breathe, our foreheads pressed together and Carlos said, "Happy Birthday, Babe."

We spent the weekend making love and exchanging blood. I could feel my body changing, but Carlos was with me, helping me through it. I have a lot to learn about this new life, but the one thing I am sure of is Carlos' love for me. There are no longer any secrets between us.

3 R&amp;S 3

Monday morning, we were in Carlos' office going over some paperwork when Tank knocked. He came in and looked from me to Carlos and back again. A huge grin split his face, and I thought I noticed a flash of fang. As he walked back out the door he said, "It's about fucking time."

**If you're pinterested, I pinned Steph's Halloween costume to my page /spiffytgm/plum-diamond. I think I've seen Bram Stoker's Dracula too many times... I love that movie, but Gary Oldman? Seriously?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, I got such a big response to the birthday story, that I decided to arc it into a Halloween piece. There will be one more chapter after this one, and I'll try to get it out on the 31****st****. This chapter is mostly Stephanie learning about her new situation. I'll get more into the guys next chapter… (Who wouldn't want one of the Merry Men to sink their, ahem, teeth into them?)**

**As usual, any characters you recognize belong to JE. All mistakes are mine.**

Ranger spent the rest of the weekend teaching me how to adapt to my new life. I have to admit that I was a little spooked by the thought of drinking blood. I mean, what if I start draining people dry? Wait a minute, I could make this work for me. There was a tap at the door to my new office, and Ranger poked his head in. "You ready to go, Babe?"

I wrote down another name. "Almost."

He walked into the office. "What are you doing, Babe?"

"Making a list."

He raised an eyebrow. "Of?"

I blew out a breath. "Well, I figured that it would take some time to get used to this whole being a vampire thing, so I'm making a list of people it wouldn't break my heart to drain. Really, it's for my peace of mind more than anything else."

He almost smiled as he snatched the paper off my desk. "You're going to start with the Dickhead?"

I nodded. My ex-husband Dickie would make a perfect first attempt. "I figured I would be doing the whole city of Trenton a favor with that one."

His smile got a little wider. "Joyce Barnhardt?"

"I was thinking of crossing her off the list. Can you get STD's from drinking someone's blood?"

He chuckled. "Babe." Babe can mean a lot of things, but in this instance, I'm going to take it to mean no. "Grandma Bella?"

"She's got that 'eye' thing. She may even be able to defend herself."

He put the list back on my desk. "Come on, Babe. We're going to the bonds office, then I'll show you how it's done."

We went to the garage and Ranger helped me into the Cayenne. A few minutes later, we were parked in front of the bonds office. Lula was practically bouncing on the couch. "Girl, I been trying to call you ever since the party. I guess you been busy with Batman here."

I blushed and Ranger kissed my cheek. He looked at Connie. "He in?" he said with a nod to Vinnie's door. At Connie's nod, he left my side and walked into the office.

As soon as the door was closed, Connie and Lula both rushed me. Lula fanned herself. "Girl, we need ALL the details!"

Connie hugged me. "Is he really the Wizard?"

I rested my head on Lula's shoulder. "Yes, he's magic, and no, I'm not giving details." Being this close to Lula's neck, my fangs started to grow. I jumped away from Lula and slapped my hand over my mouth. All I needed was for them to see my fangs. I could just picture Lula freaking out. This would be a hundred times worse than Ziggy Glitch. He wasn't even a real vampire. Connie would be on the phone the second I walked out the door. I really don't want to have to kill her. I just kept my hand over my mouth and shook my head no.

Lula harrumphed. "Fine, be that way. Just figured you'd want to share with your best friend, is all."

I was saved by Ranger coming out of Vinnie's office. He grabbed his files and mine off the desk, nodded to Connie and Lula, and escorted me out the door. Once we were in the car, I turned to him and showed him my teeth. "What am I supposed to do about this?"

He gave me a quick kiss and put the files in my lap. "Babe, you need to learn control. It takes more than a weekend." Ugh. Ranger is the master of control, and I'm the queen of reckless abandon. Still, I can learn to do this. "Now, who are your skips?"

I picked the first file up off my lap so that I could see who our latest contestants were. "Carol Cantrell held up the Godiva store at the Quakerbridge Mall. I guess she needed to top the Frito truck episode." I put that file down and picked up the next. "Norville Thompson. We should do this one. Kinda like a stroll down memory lane." Hopefully, it wouldn't end like the first time we got him. It took a week to get all the eggshells out of my hair.

Ranger gave me an almost smile. "Let's do this."

Thompson's pickup started the same way it always does. There was a lot of cursing, then he started throwing food at us. The remarkable thing was that time seemed to slow to a crawl. The block of Velveeta he threw at me seemed to almost float lazily towards me, and I was able to sidestep it with ease. By the time he ran out of food, we were at his sides. Once Ranger had him on the ground, I looked down at myself. I was clean! No wonder Ranger always managed to stay clean every time I stood next to him while I was being pelted with garbage. I squealed and did a happy dance. This was turning into a great day.

I was glad to see that Ranger was amused by the happy dance. He held Thompson's arm out to me. "Go ahead and take a sip. Take it from the bend in his elbow."

I was suddenly nervous again. "Are you sure I won't take too much?"

"Babe, all you'll want is a sip. The only time you'll want to take more is when you want to change someone."

I looked at him. "So you wanted?" I pointed at myself.

He held his hand out to me. "From the moment I met you." When he put it like that, my insides turned to mush. I took his hand and knelt next to him. He held Thompson's arm for me. As I got closer to the bend in his elbow, I could feel my fangs slide into place. I hesitated an inch from his skin. Ranger gave me some encouragement. "I'm right here with you, Babe. I promise it'll be ok." With that, I closed the distance. I could feel my fangs slide into his skin.

His blood exploded into my mouth. I could feel his entire life in that small sip. All of his emotions were mine to examine. Joy, sorrow, anger, and everything in between sang through my head. Ranger was right, though. One mouthful was all I wanted. I pulled back, letting my fangs slide out of his arm. I rocked back on my heels and shook my head to clear it. "Whoa."

I looked at Ranger again and he was giving me his full 200 Watt smile. "Proud of you, Babe."

We got Norville to the station without any trouble. By the time we unloaded him from the car, the marks at his elbow were gone, and he had forgotten the entire incident. Eddie was standing at the desk when we came in. "You got Thompson and you're still clean?" he looked shocked. "Who are you and what did you do with the real Stephanie?" I gave him my favorite Italian hand gesture and he laughed as the desk sergeant handed me my body receipt.

It was my night to pick a movie, so Carlos and I were curled on the couch watching Dracula: Dead and Loving It. I think this is now my second favorite movie of all time. Leslie Nielsen is almost as funny as Bill Murray. Carlos kissed the top of my head and said, "You did good today."

I flipped myself over so that we were face to face. My smile was stretched from ear to ear. "I did?"

He kissed me. "I knew you could do it, Babe."

He always knew how to make me feel like I could fly. I decided to try to get some more information before I jumped him. "So, how often will I need to drink?"

"Since this is new for you, you'll probably need to do it every day. Once you learn control, you can go about a week between feedings."

Okay, I can handle that. "What about the garlic thing?"

He chuckled. "No such thing."

"Will crosses and Holy Water burn me?"

He kissed the tip of my nose. "No, Babe. That's just a myth."

"What if I have to drink from Mooner. Will I get high?"

He laughed. "No, Babe. It's not the nutrients that matter. It's more that the blood holds emotions. I'm not quite sure how that works, but when you drink, that's what you're absorbing. That's why it only takes a sip."

I could live with that, although I was a little bummed about not getting the contact high. "Is that why the sex was so mind blowing this weekend?"

He shifted us so that I was straddling him. His eyes had darkened to black. "I told you that I would ruin you for other men."

I could feel his hard length through his sweatpants and my yoga pants. I rolled my hips a little and laid down on his chest. The heat in his eyes was turning me on. "You did that before I knew you were a vampire."

This time his wolf grin had fangs. I shivered. "Babe."

(} {)

The next day was my lunch date with Mary Lou. We had a standing date once a month to catch up on what's going on with our lives and all the latest Burg gossip. I was a little nervous, but Carlos assured me that I'd be fine. "Just remember, Babe, you don't need to eat as much as you're used to. A salad would be best, but trust your own judgment." A salad? Doesn't he know me by now?

Mary Lou was already at Pino's when I walked in the door. I turned my head away when we hugged. I didn't need a repeat of the Lula incident. ML was practically bouncing with excitement. "Your Birthday party has been the talk of the Burg. You can't avoid your mother forever. My mom overheard her telling Angie Morelli that if you didn't hang out with those thugs, you wouldn't have burned the VFW down."

"That wasn't my fault!" I moaned as she laughed. The waitress came over and we ordered meatball subs and cokes. I figured I'd be okay if I only ate half. We lost track of time as we sat and talked about everything and everyone. I was feeling so hungry that I ate my whole sub without thinking about it. It didn't even dawn on me that I wasn't really hungry for food. I was telling her about my relationship with Carlos, without giving her too many details, when my sub decided to make a return performance. I raced to the bathroom in time to literally lose my lunch.

I cleaned up and walked back to the table. Mary Lou looked concerned, but didn't say anything. We left soon after that. As soon as I got back to Rangeman, Carlos took me out to catch a skip. I felt better once I took a sip.

We were lying in bed later on that evening when my mother called. I know Mary Lou was right, I can't avoid her forever. Taking a deep breath for courage, I answered. "Hi, mom."

My mom yelled so loud that I'm sure the guys in the control room on five could hear her when she said, "Stephanie Michelle Plum, are you PREGNANT?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Happy Halloween, Babe!**

**The usual disclaimer goes here…**

Why me? I gave an involuntary shudder when I realize that my mom's said that exact phrase to me a gazillion times. "Mom, I'm not pregnant." It took me a while to convince her of that. By the time I was finished with the conversation, we were expected at dinner on Saturday, and Carlos was chuckling softly beside me. I hit him with a pillow. "Yuck it up now, mister. We'll see if you're still laughing after dinner on Saturday."

He gave me a half smile and said, "Babe."

The next morning over breakfast, I started in on the questions again. "So, I know you and Tank are vampires. Is anyone else Plasmally Challenged?" I snorted at my own joke.

Carlos shook his head in amusement. "There are three more. I'll let you guess who they are."

I thought about it for a minute. "I'm going to say Bobby and Les, since they make up the rest of the core team."

He smiled. "Who else?" I was stumped. It could be any of the guys. After what seemed like forever, he told me. "Rodriguez."

I jumped out of my chair. "I knew it! No one is that stealthy without supernatural powers!" Then it hit me. "He's been messing with my head for years, and you just let him?"

Ranger was shaking with silent laughter. "Babe. It was a harmless prank. The only time I've seen him smile is when you're looking for him because more files magically appeared in your inbox."

I wasn't exactly thrilled, but there really wasn't any harm in what he was doing, so I let it slide. Actually, I couldn't wait until he tried it again. Paybacks are a bitch, and right now that bitch's name is Stephanie Plum.

Lester became my mentor in everything I always wanted to know about vampires, at least the parts that Carlos didn't want to talk about. It turns out that the men I considered to be my family really were, now. We were sitting in the break room with Tank eating salads (I know) and I was pressing him for details. "So, how do you turn someone else into a vampire? I mean, I know how Ranger and I did it, but he said that it happened to you guys on a mission, so I'm going to assume it was a little different."

Les wiggled his eyebrows at me. "I don't know, beautiful. We may need details to make sure it wasn't the same. What were you wearing?"

I blushed furiously as Tank slapped him in the back of his head. There was no way I was going to tell him that the only thing I had on me was Carlos. The water Les had been drinking was now sprayed all over the table, and I'm sure some of it came out of his nose. He was turning purple trying to laugh, choke, and breathe at the same time. Tank pounded his back with a little more force than necessary. I buried my face in my hands. "Out loud?"

Les finally managed to catch his breath and said, "Oh, Beautiful, I hope that never changes. There's never a dull moment when I'm with you."

Tank shoved some paper towels at him so that he could clean up his mess. "Little girl, you make a vampire by exchanging blood. You take theirs, but you give them yours. Like everything else, there's an easy way and a hard way. If you take the blood in small enough quantities, and immediately replace it with your own, the change is gradual and a lot less painful. It takes time to do it that way, though. Usually two or three days."

Okay, that's the way we had done it. I had to ask, though, "And the hard way?"

Tank ran his hand across his face. "You drain your target all at once and then make the exchange. Most don't live through it. If your heart doesn't give out when your blood is being drained, the pain from getting infused with enough blood to complete the change is bad enough to finish the job."

"Why wouldn't Ranger tell me this?"

Les snorted. "He's probably afraid you'd change that asswipe, Morelli."

He laughed at the look of horror on my face. "Why would I do that?"

"You and the cop have a connection. If it's there to begin with, it only gets deeper with the exchange. It wouldn't be done the hard way. We'd never be rid of him."

I knew that the guys had it done to them the hard way. It was enough to make me want to cry. I looked at Les. "How did you learn that there was a different way to do it?"

From behind me, Ranger spoke up. "Do you really want to know?" I was so intent on what Les was telling me that I didn't notice him come in the room. I nodded. "I told you that we were changed on a mission?" Again I nodded. "It was FUBAR almost from the start. We had achieved our goal, but we got ambushed heading back to the extraction point. They had us pinned down when we found the cave. As soon as we went inside for shelter, the locals stopped firing and got the hell out of there. None of us knew it was a trap. They were on us as soon as we got far enough into the cave. They tortured us for two days until we were strong enough to break free and kill them. There was a woman in the group, and she begged us for her life in exchange for teaching us what we were and what we needed to survive. When we left, she wouldn't go with us. As far as I know, she's still living in the caves."

He grabbed a salad and a water. I quickly cleaned up the remnants of my lunch and followed him back to his office. We spent the rest of lunch replacing his bad memories with much more pleasant ones. At least we were both smiling by the time I left his office.

The next morning I went to the bonds office to pick up files. I grabbed a Boston Cream donut while I was gossiping with the girls. As soon as I finished it, I knew it was coming back to haunt me. Connie was in the middle of a story about Robin Russell when I raced for the bathroom. When I came back out, both Connie and Lula were staring at me with their mouths hung open. I did a mental head slap. "For the love of Pete, I'm not carrying Batman's baby!"

Lula put a hand on her hip. "Hunh. I think maybe you're protesting too much. Maybe you are and just don't know it yet."

I rolled my eyes. "Trust me, there is no bun in my oven."

Lula huffed. "Well, you don't have to get all snippy about it. There's just something different about you, then you go and get sick after one donut. You spend all your time with Ranger, so we know you gettin' some. You don't hardly ever come and visit us no more. What are we supposed to think?"

I ran my hand through my hair. "Sorry, Lula. I just had this conversation with my mother. Maybe we'll have a girl's night soon." She seemed to accept that, so I grabbed the files and escaped as quickly as I could.

Dinner at my parents' house could have gone better. My mother made a lasagna, and in deference to Carlos, had a salad as well. My mom stared at me as I loaded the salad onto my plate. Grandma told us that her latest boyfriend was pretty decent, but she's seen better. I choked on my water when she winked at Carlos and he grimaced. Since nothing caught fire, and no weapons were drawn, I considered it a success, but I was afraid my mother was going to have a heart attack when I turned down the pineapple upside down cake.

The next day my mother called me and insisted I come to lunch. When I got there, she and grandma were waiting at the door for me. For some reason, my mom looked worried. She gave me a quick warning. "Remember your manners." Ugh, there is no way this can be good.

I walked in the front door and stopped cold. Seated around the living room on the couches and in folding chairs were my father, Morelli, Mary Lou, Sally Sweet, Mooner, Joyce Barnhardt, and Father Ronaldo from my mother's church. My father looked like he was watching the game and ignoring the chaos around him. Mary Lou looked like she was trying not to laugh as she snapped my picture. I don't doubt for a second that she was only here for the humor value, and when she gave me a thumb's up, I knew she had my back. Everyone else in the room was trying to look concerned and sympathetic.

My mother spoke from behind me. "Now, Stephanie, no one's here to judge you. We love you and want to help."

Mooner looked around. "I thought we were here for brownies. Dude, is this one of those intervention things?"

Sally looked at me and shrugged. "I brought the Moon Man here. We were supposed to have brownies and watch I Dream of Jeannie."

Mooner looked at Sally. "You mean we're not? Bummer, man. Let's go back to my place." Mooner and Sally got up and left. Mary Lou had her face in her hands and was shaking with the effort it took not to laugh. I tried to follow them out the door, but my mother stopped me and dragged me back inside. I took advantage of the distraction to grab my cell phone. I typed a quick "Help me" text and hit send. I shoved the phone back in my pocket before I turned around.

Father Ronaldo spoke up. "It has been a long time since I've seen you in church."

Joe added his two cents. "Cupcake, you spend all your time with those criminals."

My father looked up from the TV. "Could you guys keep it down? The game's about to start."

My mother piped up. "You ate a salad for dinner and refused cake for dessert." There was a collective shocked gasp from everyone in the room.

Mary Lou spoke up for the first time. "I don't know. She looks pretty happy to me."

Joyce looked like she was enjoying the show.

I turned to my mother. "So, let me get this straight. Since I broke up with Joe, started seeing Carlos, and I'm eating a little healthier, I must be on drugs?" If she knew the truth, she'd flip. I could see her leading the Burg ladies to Rangeman with torches and pitchforks.

Grandma Mazur smiled and clacked her dentures around. "You could be possessed. I wouldn't mind being possessed by one of those hotties."

My mother had the grace to look chagrined. "You have to admit that place is like a cult, and you spend all your time there. Joseph wants to marry you and start a family, and you broke up with him."

"Mom, I broke up with Joe because I don't want to settle down and start a family. Carlos makes me happy. I'm not on drugs, in a cult, or possessed by demons. I'm in love."

From behind me, I heard a new voice. "Good to know." I whipped around and broke into a grin. Carlos was leaning against the door with his ankles crossed. Forgetting about everyone else in the room, I ran and jumped in his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. He gave me a soft kiss and smiled his 200 watt smile. "You ready to go, Babe?" I turned and waved at everyone as he carried me out the door.

He buckled me into the passenger seat of his Turbo and kissed me. He told me that he'd send one of the guys to pick up my car. He got in on his side and I batted my eyelashes at him. "My hero."

He chuckled and pulled away from the curb. When we stopped at a red light, he turned to me and said, "Only for you. I'm in love, too."


End file.
